Tag Archives | Leather

Episode 07 – Larry Talks Fisting, Part 1

Daddy Tony invites over a friend of many years, Larry Shockey, to talk about fisting. Larry has been a long time fister, hosting many play parties in his home city of San Francisco and also leading work shops to teach people all they need to know about getting started in visiting.

We had so many questions and wanted to get so “deep” into the subject, we actually recorded a two part episode in one night. In the first part we learn a bit about Larry himself and how we got started in the scene. Coming up in part 2 we will get into some of the mechanics of fistings, such as good lubes, how to clean out and much more.

Daddy Tony and Sparky were pretty punchy in this show, having just came home from a long work trip, but damn if we didn’t have a good time. Lots of boys in the audience, lots of bondage going on, and a lot of fun all around!


Show Notes

Discussion Topics

  • New Orleans for Daddy and Sparky
  • Flight back for Daddy and Sparky
  • Larry Shockey Interview
  • What is he involved in now
  • How did he get into fisting
  • Got fisted by a woman

About Our Guest

Larry has been a member of the kink and fetish communities for more than fifteen years. During that time, he served as President of the Steering Committee for Leathermen’s Discussion Group for three years, as Chair for the planning committee for Leather Levi Weekends 2007 and 2008, as well as serving as a member of the Advisory Council for Leather Leadership Conference XII, (San Francisco 2008).

In 2007, 2008 and 2009, he organized and coordinated the BDSM demonstration area at Leather Alley during SF’s Pride Festival following the Pride Parade. He has also done numerous public demonstrations on a wide array of play for the Stop AIDS Project, SF Citadel, The Society of Janus, Leather Levi Weekend, Leathermens’ Discussion Group, the Ring, ACLC, Sacramento Valley Leather Corps, Leather Leadership Conference, and the SF Leather Daddies, among others. He is now focusing his efforts on strengthening and enhancing the fisting community in SF.

In 2008, Larry began organizing weekend fisting retreats, known as Spring FFling. In September 2008, Larry brought a public fisting venue back to the SF sex scene for the first time since the closure of The Sling. Known as Hell Hole, this monthly play party, which focuses on safer-sex and drug-free play, has been widely and well-received by men not only in San Francisco, but from across the US and around the world. Larry began doing programs on fisting in 2005, and has been a frequent presenter on that topic.

In furtherance of his desire for educating others, in January 2010, the Handball Academy was born. The purpose of the Academy is to provide an educational setting where novices, the curious and those wishing to further hone and develop their fisting skills can come together in an informal setting among their peers to learn, share and grow. The Academy sponsors Novice Workshops, a 5 hour hands-in experience, and quarterly panel discussions, and hopes to implement a weekend Academy in the near future.

In June 2010, his booklet, “The Sacred Art of Fisting,” an outline of play, practice, and safer-sex techniques, was published thanks to a grant from the Stop AIDS Project. That booklet is now undergoing revision and its second edition is scheduled for publication in 2013 in both print and Kindle formats. In 2011, Larry and his partner Loy, began producing Fist Fest in Palm Springs, and in 2012, they brought the Fist Fest weekend to Augusta, GA for its East Coast debut.

Follow Larry on Facebook.

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Episode 06 – Neil and Erotic Hypnosis

This week we get to spend some time with Neil, a New York based hypno therapist. He talks to us all about the ways in which erotic hypnosis works, what it is, and what it isn’t. We talk about the time Sparky was under several post-hypnotic suggestions during a leather event.

Hypno is a subject that people either are very into, just curious or highly skeptical, and our goal was to introduce the subject to everyone. We are looking forward to having further discussions with Neil to delve any deeper.

We are also putting out the call for any questions you may have about hypnosis; send them in and we will do a future show with Neil and read your question on the air!


Show Notes

In the News

Discussion Topics

  • Erotic-hypno.com
  • What is hypno, what isn’t it?
  • Personal stories
  • Why hypno?
  • The headspace, mindspace

About Our Guest

Neil has been doing hypnosis since 2001, at first as a hobby (and tool of sexual exploration) and since 2009, as a full-time job. Practicing hypnosis lead him to discover his dominant side and explore the BDSM world. Neil lives in New York City. Find him on TwitterRecon, and his blog The Erotic Hypnotist.


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Age Ranges – Does it matter?

A few months ago I was speaking with a friend online about age ranges. He felt that now he was getting a little older (40s) he was going to have a hard time finding guys to play with because most want younger guys.

I disagreed and said that the amount of people that only look for younger guys is rather small, which he didn’t believe at all. So I set out to prove him wrong.

Now, perception is a very tricky thing. It is very easy for someone to believe in fact that which we perceive, but sometimes we can only see what we want. If we believe that most guys are looking only for younger guys, then each time we see an example it only reinforces the notion but we don’t take into account the complete picture.

So I set out to do a little experiment. This is not scientific by any means. I chose to review profile from a single source: Recon. And I didn’t look outside of the US as I didn’t want to choose only profile that I could read (only can read English). Finally, only those people who were online were looked at, not necessarily those that may be offline, though the samples were taken over the course of months to help mitigate this.

However, at the same time the same sets were taken from around North America, looking at numerous states and population centers. I had several volunteers assist with collecting data and gathered profile data on several hundred profiles. We collected the location, age of the person in the profile, their status as a top or bottom, and if they listed in their profile an age range they were seeking.

Here are the results:

  • There was no significant difference of this percentage between any region, state or urban versus rural locations
  • Of all profiles reviewed, only 15% of them had any specified age range that the person was looking for.
  • Of that 15%, only 4% of all the profiles indicated a preference for guys only younger than themselves.
  • Of that 15%, only 6% of all the profiles indicated a preference for guys near their age or younger
  • The remaining 5% of the 15% specified an age range that was range both below and above their own age equally (e.g., a 35yo man indicating he is seeking anyone from 25 to 45, or similar ranges).
  • Of those that do specify an age range, 89% were Tops/Doms. 6% were switches. 5% bottoms/subs.
  • 85% of all profile had no mention of a specified age range they were seeking at all.
  • Of those that specified an age range, 56% were in their 30’s. The remaining were evenly split between those in their 20’s, 40’s, 50’s. Those in their 60’s were the least likely to specify any age range, but not by a significant amount.


While there are those out there that do seek out people within a specific age range, most aren’t specifically stating it. There is a possibility that there is some number of individuals that may be harboring such criteria but not stating it in the profile, but even if that would be the case it would have to be a rather large number of people that would be doing so to significantly alter these findings, which may be unlikely. It is far more likely that most players in the kink world do not have any significant factor for age when seeking out someone online. While not a scientific study in its entirety, we can assume that even with a margin of error factored it is most likely that the statement of “most guys want younger guys” is likely not true.

As someone that regularly plays with guys in age ranges from their low 20’s all the way to someone in their high 50’s, I find the results to be quite satisfying!

And finally, my thought about those that do specify an age range.

If someone is in their 40’s or 50’s and only wants to tie up guys in their 20’s, as this study suggests there are some (though relatively few) out there, I have to say this.

It is a little creepy, and you are swimming in a very small boat.

If that is the only way you can get off, you can only feel dominant with someone that is very much younger than yourself, that is your choice. But it is also the choice of the rest of us, those that don’t have such preferences, to find fault with such a choice. You are not only missing out on a vast population of great kinksters to play with, you are indicating, likely unintentionally, a lack of your own maturity by needing to dominate only those that are in the least likely potion to challenge your dominance.

I have chosen, quite purposefully, to play with those that do challenge me, either as a sub or a Dom. Those that don’t aren’t likely to be interesting enough for a good play session.

In my own opinion, of course.

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The Leather Community – What It Means to Most Kinksters

So, I recently spent some time pontificating on the leather community and what it means to me as someone who is a regular player in the kink world. I wanted to see if anyone else felt as I did about what the “Leather Community” means to us, so I reached out to 20 people that I have know for a while to ask them if they wanted to write something about what it means to them.

The problem is that every single one of them said the same thing. The leather community in their respective regions means nothing to them and they have nothing to write about. There isn’t even a resentment or strong negative feels, just an overall antipathy and really couldn’t muster anything else to add.

And these are true players and well known people in the kink world, and the leather community who prop themselves up as leaders are supposed to be representing. They have said they the true players, they are out there having classes on how to perform the kinks properly, and holding the events that everyone goes to but ignore the official functions of. Yet the people I have come to know and respect want to have nothing to do with the “leather community”.

For myself, I wanted to try. I had joined the leather community in the local area hoping for mentorship or leadership, someone to show me the way, but it turned into something really challenging. I felt like I got burned, and not because of why in that community may think is the reason.

I had always hoped for someone to come over to say, “Hey, here is a little direction, let me show you the way,” in the same sort of way I have heard others get. They talk about their leather . But instead I walked away because I didn’t know how to ask for that, and no longer being young enough to attract it, or never having been pretty enough to demand it, I don’t expect I ever will find that sort of leadership for myself. But I do know it was never offered to me. Instead it just turned ugly.

I have recently tried to reach out in my own way, to work on developing my own direction on what it means to have a leather family. For now I will feel my own way out for it, as that is the only real option for now.

For myself, I am tired of hearing the gossip, and hearing that despite the fact that I distanced myself and kept to myself after pulling back from the leather community, people still are talking shit about me. I only ever wanted to help, and have regretted it ever since I did.

I know there are others out there that have felt as I have. I know they hoped to find something there and disappointed that it wasn’t what they thought it was going to be. I hope one day this leather community learns how to reach out and hold onto those that are eager and need direction, to live up to the potential of their words when they adorn themselves with the mantle of leaderhsip.

Because right now they are missing out on a  very dynamic world, a world full of the best and most talented players I have luckily come to call friends.

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